Holy crap, have you seen the state of your mouse mat? Look at it, now. Down by the fingers you’ve been jabbing into your eyes and mouth. It’s all covered in bits of grime and digestive biscuits. And your mug shouldn’t really be that colour on the inside. And what the fuck is that fucking T-shirt you’re wearing? It doesn’t have any obscure references on it AT ALL! You look like a fucking tramp with your ordinary clothes and your grotty mouse mats and mugs.

Fortunately, Zombie Cow Studios is here to help with a near-bewildering array of mouse mats, mugs and T-shirts. All partially-customisable, finely-crafted and outstandingly-brillo. Here, look!

There’s this fine number, for example – the ‘Options’ Mug.

You can select the right options for your favourite beverage before ordering, so it always arrives with the correct amount of milk and racism.

Or these! Look at these, look! They’re massive beer glasses with ‘Lion’s Roar Real Ale’ and ‘Starz ‘n Stripez Lager’ logos on them! No one else will have these, you’ll be proper special.

There’s all sorts of cool tat in the new Zombie Cow Studios shop, with loads of awesome pixel art bits and bobs from the games. You can even customise everything so it fits perfectly inside your house. That said, I’d be a bit careful about resizing stuff – it’s pixel art so could potentially go all blurry if you make it bigger/ smaller.

Any requests for scenes you’d buy on a mug? Leave your suggestions in the comments section below and I’ll see what I can do.

If you enjoyed Ben There, Dan That! and/ or Time Gentlemen, Please! and thought they were a bit of a bargain and would like to see more Zombie Cow games, here’s an ideal chance to show your support without just giving your money away: buy mugs and stuff, and some of the cash comes here.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 isn’t out until next week, which is aaaaaaaages and quite frankly we’re all finding it pretty difficult to find something to do to pass the time.

So Zombie Cow Studios is pleased to announce that weird indie comedy Time Gentlemen, Please! is 50% off until Tuesday the 10th.

Click the banner above, or here, and when buying the game through us, simply enter the code MW2AAAAGES for your 50% discount. That’s 4 ‘A’s.

Should definitely keep you going over the weekend, at least. Not long now. We can’t wait it’s going to be brillo.

Zombie Cow Studios has teamed up with Internet Legends ‘Lemmy and Binky’ to bring you a fairly unique slice of gaming horror.

Made in a month as part of the TIGsource Lovecraft compo, we’re unnervingly proud of it.

Head over to the game’s page to download it, and have a sneeky peek at the exciting trailer while you’re there. Then let us know what you think of it in the forum… should we make it into a full game?

>> GO!

Here’s a pretty cool prize: how would you like to see a tiny pixellated version of yourself in one of those trendy ‘Indie games’ everyone’s going on about these days?

I’m giving away a cameo in the upcoming Ben There, Dan That! sequel Time Gentlemen, Please, so if you’ve ever wanted to see yourself digitised, reduced to pixels, and making inappropriate jokes about wanking on people’s computer screens the world over, here’s your chance.

All you have to do is come up with an interesting character that you’d play. Maybe you’d like to be a Space Pirate called Ian, or a ghost who thinks he’s a piece of bacon. Maybe you’ll go all meta and play a man who won a competition to appear in a video game.

Whatever your stupid and diseased fetish, type it up in words and send it in.

No doubt you’ve already played and enjoyed and donated to the FREE, EXCELLENT, award-winning, and well-loved Ben There, Dan That! so you’ll know that pretty much anything goes in our universe – we can wangle near any monstrosity of a character into our improbable plotlines, so let your imagination run riot. Maybe you’d play a character whose imagination has literally run riot, and he’s constantly chasing after it with a net! Who knows?

You can leave your entry in the comments thread below or, if you’ve got a lot to write or a drawing you’ve done in crayons you’d like to show off, pop your entry into this forum thread. Double points if it’s done in MSPaint!

Make sure I can get in contact with you by using a proper email address.

Small Same-Sized Print:
I’ll pick the best and most-deserving entry. I reserve the right to tweak the winning entry to fit the game’s ‘tone’ and ’storyline’. My decision’s final. I also reserve the right to change the rules whenever I like so that this doesn’t all blow up in my face. If no one enters, I’ll code a void in space-time in your place which boots the player out to the desktop if you try to interact with it. Competition closes ‘soon’, so get your entry in today! Enter as many times as you like, go nuts. Any entries for silhouetted wibbly purple characters will be discarded.

Oooh, Ben There, Dan That!, eh? Ended on a bit of a cliffhanger, didn’t it? I wonder how veritable heroes Dan and Ben get out of that one.

Shame there’ll never ever be a sequel, simply because Donationware doesn’t really bring in enough cold, hard cash to make it economically viable.

That said, Ben There, Dan That!’s ‘big number two’ Ben and I are meeting in a pub tomorrow night, and item #27 on the agenda (we have an agenda) is to discuss the vague possibility of sitting on our hands and vehemently not making a follow up to pointy-clicky smash hit Ben There, Dan That!.

Out of pure interest — because, as I said, there’s no way we’re making a sequel so get that out of your system immediately – what would you want from a Ben There, Dan That! sequel?

Already on the list:

- Smaller and tighter.
- Better puzzles.
- Marginally nicer graphics.
- More jokes about wanking less jokes about wanking.

Where do you think Ben There, Dan That! could have been improved? Likewise, what stuff did you really like, and would want to see carried over to a non-existent sequel? Now’s your chance to speak out because it turns out we have a comments section.

Please note: we’ve already had every idea ever, so any good ideas you might happen to enter into the comments section below was technically our idea first, so we’re totally stealing it.

As part of the TIGSource ‘Bootleg Demake’ competition, a couple of guys from the Zombie Cow Forum ‘demade’ Grand Theft Auto 4 as Large Scale Vehicular Stealing, a dodgy knock-off for the NES.

It’s a surprisingly deep mish-mash of the first GTA, with Double Dragon stylee fighting bits thrown in for good measure. It’s completely free to play, simply follow this link.

Well done seregrail7 and Nickenstein, you’re both completely awesome! I feel privileged to even be allowed to stand near a copy of Large-Scale Vehicular Stealing, let alone be associated with it.

MASSIVE THANKS ALSO TO CHARLOTTE, who did the amazing box art up there. That’s me and seregrail7 and Nickenstein, and the car/ chopper from hit 80s TV show ‘Magnum p.i’, in case you’re interested. Regardless, it’s an amazing piece of work and I’ll doubtless wind up putting it on a T-shirt sooner or later…