Spread it round like it’s Chlamydia or something.

If you want to embed it in a different player, the raw file can be found here.
Read the original Privates Press Release with info and screenshots here.

Surely some sort of mistake? Where the HELL did this third dimension come from, then?

That’s right! Zombie Cow Studios is proud to announce we’ve gone all futuristic and 3D with Privates, a funky little game about tiny little condom-hatted marines going right up peoples’ rude areas and shooting all the nasty chompy things that tend to live there if you’ve been carelessly putting bits of yourself in silly places.

Much love to the enormously-talented @lemmy101 and @CaptainBinky who have, in all honesty, done the vast majority of the hard work. Sometimes we have meetings and I have no idea what’s been said at all, it’s all ‘quaternions this’ and ‘tristripping that’.

I have however worked out that Tristripping is, tragically, not NEARLY as exciting as it sounds. It’s all something to do with triangles. And not even sexy triangles like you get on a sexy 3D stripper’s knockers or anything, just normal triangles. :(

There’s more to come very soon, including trailers and screenshots of the unpleasantly-brown levels. You know why.

Full press release and five whole screenshots at zombie-cow.com/privates

If you want to know more, stay tuned at zombie-cow.com or twitter.com/thezombiecow or something.

Holy crap, have you seen the state of your mouse mat? Look at it, now. Down by the fingers you’ve been jabbing into your eyes and mouth. It’s all covered in bits of grime and digestive biscuits. And your mug shouldn’t really be that colour on the inside. And what the fuck is that fucking T-shirt you’re wearing? It doesn’t have any obscure references on it AT ALL! You look like a fucking tramp with your ordinary clothes and your grotty mouse mats and mugs.

Fortunately, Zombie Cow Studios is here to help with a near-bewildering array of mouse mats, mugs and T-shirts. All partially-customisable, finely-crafted and outstandingly-brillo. Here, look!

There’s this fine number, for example – the ‘Options’ Mug.

You can select the right options for your favourite beverage before ordering, so it always arrives with the correct amount of milk and racism.

Or these! Look at these, look! They’re massive beer glasses with ‘Lion’s Roar Real Ale’ and ‘Starz ‘n Stripez Lager’ logos on them! No one else will have these, you’ll be proper special.

There’s all sorts of cool tat in the new Zombie Cow Studios shop, with loads of awesome pixel art bits and bobs from the games. You can even customise everything so it fits perfectly inside your house. That said, I’d be a bit careful about resizing stuff – it’s pixel art so could potentially go all blurry if you make it bigger/ smaller.

Any requests for scenes you’d buy on a mug? Leave your suggestions in the comments section below and I’ll see what I can do.

If you enjoyed Ben There, Dan That! and/ or Time Gentlemen, Please! and thought they were a bit of a bargain and would like to see more Zombie Cow games, here’s an ideal chance to show your support without just giving your money away: buy mugs and stuff, and some of the cash comes here.

Oh hey, what’s going on with the next installment of Dan and Ben, then?

Let’s just say there was a high-powered EMERGENCY business meeting last night, in a pub, and as a result we have completely changed the plot and design to Revenge of the Balloon-Headed Mexican. What felt like a great idea initially didn’t map out so nicely in terms of puzzles or pacing, so instead of pressing on regardless and releasing something we weren’t happy with, we’ve gone back to square one and re-jigged everything.

Fortunately, being Indie means you’re allowed to take reckless, stupid decisions like completely starting over.

What the hell does all this mean, though? The new plot is infinitely more special, unique and interesting, which means it’s now going to be triple-brilliant… but it’s also now not going to be out till next year.

In the meantime… I dunno. You could buy another copy of Time Gentlemen, Please!, I suppose and play it through choosing a different path and see if it makes any difference?

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 isn’t out until next week, which is aaaaaaaages and quite frankly we’re all finding it pretty difficult to find something to do to pass the time.

So Zombie Cow Studios is pleased to announce that weird indie comedy Time Gentlemen, Please! is 50% off until Tuesday the 10th.

Click the banner above, or here, and when buying the game through us, simply enter the code MW2AAAAGES for your 50% discount. That’s 4 ‘A’s.

Should definitely keep you going over the weekend, at least. Not long now. We can’t wait it’s going to be brillo.

So Time Gentlemen, Please! is a bit of a bargain. Even though I know the fastest route through the game, it still took about an hour and a half to get through when testing. For a first time player, I’d say you’re looking at 6-8 hours, even if you don’t spend a great deal of time hunting around for hidden little jokes by trying stupid things.

For £2.99, that’s a pleasant chunk of gameplay, and I’m fiercely proud of how reasonably priced it is- as an Indie developer, it’s nice to be in the position to consider things like cost from the player’s perspective. Word around the Internet is, generally, that it’s either reasonably-priced or blisteringly under-priced, depending on how many truffles that particular reviewer can afford to snort and wash down with liquid gold, or whatever it is they do.

This all leaves me with something of a dilemma for the upcoming episodes, though. With an intended playtime of ‘about an hour’, each story is going to be considerably shorter than Time Gentlemen, Please! Hour-for-hour, quid-for-quid, that means each episode should probably be about 50p.

In all honesty, that price point would probably just bankrupt me.

Now, I’ve got a vague idea in my head of how much I think I’m going to have to charge. It’s based on ‘projections’ and TGP’s sales figures and all that sort of businessy nonsense… But in all honesty, I’m more interested in hearing what you lot think. How much you’d be willing to pay for an hour’s adventure-based comedic entertainment.

I was going to set up a poll, but that seems to me a rather too rigidly-defined way of going about things, so if you’ve got two minutes, please do leave a comment with what you think is a reasonable price. If you agree with someone, mark their comment up with the little green thumb.

I’ll then take everything into account when pricing the episodes. It’s community-driven development! How very futuristic.